Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?

by Felice Prager

Gum in the 50s and 60s involved so many rules. We were not allowed to chew it at school. However, if the dried wads of gum under each of our desks meant anything, there must have been a lot of gum chewing going on anyway. Some of our teachers even walked around the classroom at the beginning of each class with a box of tissues and a trashcan announcing if we did not throw out our gum, we would have to wear the gum. Others not only made us wear it (on the tip of the nose) but one in particular made us stand in the front of the classroom for the whole period like that. It was her version of a dunce cap. 

This was a long time before the days when such punishments were banned by schools. This was before the goal of teachers was to improve our self-esteem and make us feel better about ourselves. Besides, no one ever sued a teacher for enforcement of the gum chewing code of conduct. And our parents always said things like, "That's what you get for chewing gum - especially in school. You should have known better." There was no way out.

If we had braces, the orthodontist made it clear that the first rule with braces was "No Gum!" He said he would know if we were chewing gum since it became stuck on the wires and was not removable with a toothbrush. He said he could tell the difference between normal food chewing damage and the damage caused by gum just by looking at the bands. Yet, we managed to learn to suck on it and eventually chew it and not break our wires. Some of us would even master bubble gum with braces - a job only for super chewers!

Some parents banned it in the home. Some banned it all together. Gum was bad for us. Gum chewing was evil.

And yet, we chewed it all the time.

"Anyone have any gum?" Someone always had gum. It was a fact of life. And gum was always for sharing, at least among friends or with a boyfriend.

We learned to hide gum in our mouths, open our mouths wide, and never get caught. We could chew and swallow giant hoagies without messing up our gum. We could take pills and give oral reports without being caught. We were gum pros.

We learned to blow huge bubbles and not get it in our hair as our mothers warned us we might. Occasionally, when our mothers were right, though we would never admit that to anyone, we tried to remove the gum stuck in our eyebrows, eyelashes, and hair - without having to cut it. (Hint from experience: if you ice the gum, it gets hard, and that makes it easier to remove from hair, carpet, and clothing.)

Many of us swallowed so much gum that it is amazing we didn't have giant globs of gum stuck to our insides. We were told by people who seemed to be smart that if gum were swallowed, it could take up to seven years to become fully digested. We were told it could become stuck in our esophagus and we could choke to death. We never knew anyone who died or even got sick from swallowing gum.

There was Doublemint with the Doublemint Twins, Juicy Fruit, Spearment, Chiclets, and Chiclets Tiny Size. We bought Black Jack, Teaberry, Sour Apple, Dentyne, Clorets, and Sour Cherry. None of us ever became too mature to put a penny in a gumball machine. Now those gum ball machines take quarters. I never pass up the opportunity to say, "I remember when a gumball cost a penny!" Everyone knew the words to gum commercials and everyone knew how to do the Teaberry Shuffle.

We made gum wrapper chains and begged our parents to let us decorate our Christmas trees with them instead of using tinsel and garland! We could fold the chains in our laps without looking while our teachers lectured us about not chewing gum in school. As we got older, we would overtly pass gum to each other as we exited various teachers' classrooms just to show them they didn't win.

We read the comics in our bubble gum, semi-believed the fortunes written on them, and collected the comics to save for prizes. I don't know anyone who actually got a prize, but I remember that if you saved them, you could win all sorts of things - including boats. They never said how big the boat was or if it floated.

My bedroom drawers always had gum wrappers in them and my mother was always telling me to clean them out. "Throw out the stupid wrappers. They'll attract ants!" We never had ants. My pocketbook had gum wrappers in it. There were no ants in my pocketbook. There were gum wrappers in my first car. There were no ants in my Cutlass Supreme either.

Gum was a lot less expensive then, and we always seemed to have enough money for it. And we all knew the words to "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?" by Lonnie Donegan because we sang it all the time!

"Oh-me, oh-my, oh-you
Whatever shall I do
Hallelujah, the question is peculiar
I'd give a lot of dough
If only I could know
The answer to my question
Is it yes or is it no

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight
If your mother says don't chew it
Do you swallow it in spite
Can you catch it on your tonsils
Can you heave it left and right
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight

Here comes a blushing bride
The groom is by her side
Up to the altar
As steady as Gibraltar
Why, the groom has got the ring
And it's such a pretty thing
But as he slips it on her finger
The choir begins to sing

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight
If your mother says don't chew it
Do you swallow it in spite
Can you catch it on your tonsils
Can you heave it left and right
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight

Now the nation rise as one
To send their only son
Up to the White House
Yes, the nation's only White House
To voice their discontent
Unto the Pres-I-dent
They pawn the burning question
What has swept this continent

(Lonnie speaks)
If tin whistles are made of tin
What do they make fog horns out of
Boom, boom

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight
If your mother says don't chew it
Do you swallow it in spite
Can you catch it on your tonsils
Can you heave it left and right
Does your chewing gum lose its flavor
On the bedpost overnight

On the bedpost overnight

(Man)
Hello there, I love you and the one who holds you tight

(Lonnie)
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Sat'day night

On the bedpost overnight

(Man)
A dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime

(Lonnie)
He's singin' out the chorus
But he hasn't got the time

On the bedpost overnight, yeah."


more articles by Felice Prager

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