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My Favorite Classic Movie and TV Clichés
by David A. Norris
Never Take More than One Canteen
A western hero never takes more than one canteen into even the driest deserts. After dispatching the last outlaw or Indian in a shootout, he will always find that a stray bullet has pierced and drained the canteen.
Double Trouble
Everyone – be they a super spy, police detective, cowboy hero, or sitcom doofus –
has an exact double. And remember, their doubles personality is the complete opposite of their own.
Wiping Out Tracks with a Branch
The most skilled Indian trackers are fooled when a cowboy breaks off a branch and uses it to rub out his horses hoof prints.
“The Star of India – It’s Paste!”
The detective guards a rich ladies expensive jewels while she wears them at a society party. Suddenly, she screams, “My jewels! They’ve been stolen! These are paste!”
If the paste replicas are so good that no one notices the difference from real ones for several hours, why doesn’t everyone just wear paste jewelry?
Superstitions are Always True
The Heroes Friend walks under a ladder, breaks a mirror, etc., and then laughs off a warning of doom – just before he is murdered. Also, predictions by quaint old fortune tellers, Tarot cards, tea leaves, palm readings, or ancient folklore always come to pass.
Why Bother With a Trace?
The police always try to trace phone calls from psychos and villains in 50s and 60s TV shows. Even the most incredibly stupid crooks know that it takes several minutes to trace a call, and they never stay on the line long enough to allow a trace to find anything more than the section of town where they’re calling from.
Oh, unless they call from a phone booth.
With Friends Like That …
The heroes childhood friend/college pal/war buddy comes to visit. Always, the friend hides the deadly secret that he’s gone bad and is now a blackmailer/underworld bigwig/foreign spy.
But, never fear! The old friend will repent and sacrifice himself to save the
heroes life at the last second.
Or, Friends Like This …
The detective has solved hundreds of cases for the cops, getting his pal on the police force promoted from patrolman to lieutenant or captain (in the US) or chief inspector (at Scotland Yard.)
Yet, when the detective is implicated in an obvious frame-up, his so-called police friend says, “Aha! We’ve got you this time!”, ignores his protests of innocence, and proceeds to try and railroad him to the electric chair.
Always Good for a Laugh
If the action slows down, just give a machine gun to the biggest idiot on the show, or a chimpanzee, and watch the fun!
They’re Never Used in Fireplaces!
Fireplace pokers have only one purpose – a sudden, impulsive homicide, when other weapons are out of reach.
Yecch! It’s Sugar!
The detective reaches his finger into a bag of suspicious white powder. He tastes the tip of his finger. He grimaces, spits it out, and says with contempt … “Sugar!”
Just imagine how he’d fuss if he’d stuck his finger into a bag of flea powder!
The Amazing, Bountiful Attic
Need a top hat and coat for a magician act? A tuxedo so that you can emcee an amateur fundraiser? Spats and straw boaters for 1920s outfits? Cowboy clothes? A Pilgrim costume? Khakis and a pith helmet for a backyard safari? No problem – just climb up to your sitcom’s 50,000 square-foot attic!
Hard Heads Zone
If a detective gets hit on the head, it causes unconsciousness, and in bad cases, amnesia, but never concussion or death. Amnesia can easily be cured by hitting the victim on the head again.
You Can’t Trust That Class of People!
On TV, anyone who’s been knighted is probably going to turn out to be a crook. If you have watched many British mysteries or spy shows, you might think that Queen Elizabeth II has knighted an alarming number of blackmailers, jewel thieves, Communist spies, and criminal masterminds bent on world conquest.
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