I'm Too Hip To Have Sixties Hair

Author: Susan Shea Held
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I wake up, look in the mirror and see Ruth Buzzi as Gladys with the rolled down stockings in Laugh In or the Church Lady from SNL and believe me that is not special. Why is it so difficult to get a decent haircut these days? I'm only eight years past the age of forty-nine but the hairdressers in the boonies insist on making me look like their mothers or grandmothers on a bad hair day.

But wait, how do they see me? Do they think I¹m a decade or more older than I really am? I¹m an original New Yorker, for heaven¹s sake, I have style, ladies, let¹s show it. Oh no, what's is that in her right hand, Oh My God, a curling iron. Didn¹t those things go out with the Monkees? Step away from the mirror, put down the curling iron and nobody will get hurt. Next thing I know I have these little sausage curls-where my wispy bangs used to be. I¹m turning into Eudora Welty or Mamie Eisenhower right before my eyes.

Why is my hair so flat on top? My theory is that any female under the age of thirty-five will look good no matter how she wears her hair. From thirty-six to fifty-five a woman can tie it up, put it up or cover it up but beyond the age of fifty-five we are willing to pay top dollar in order to look younger, thinner and trendy. We need a little extra help.

Former Texas Governor, Ann Richards once said "The bigger the hair, the closer to heaven". If that¹s true then I must be headed in a downward spiral to hair hell.

Since I tend toward the pleasingly plump side, my face looks its best when I have a slimming, slightly bouffant face framing hairstyle. This latest one with the straight, flat top and doggy doo-doo bangs makes my face look likeI¹m next in line to float over Heralds Square on Thanksgiving. Give me a break!

Do you want to spend the night with me and look at me first thing in the morning? Hello, I think not. Let¹s save that lovely vision for my husband who is surely in line for canonization as soon as the new Pope gets his list together. My husband, bless his heart, will look right at my latest doo and say "It looks fine" or "It looks nice, dear." fine, nice? Does he realize that I worked for over an hour this morning to achieve this natural look of smooth hair and all he can say is it looks nice? It looks fine?

And the shampoo they use, do they buy it in bulk at the combination feed/grooming store in town? In my younger days, having grown up with a mother of the Saturday night bath generation, we didn¹t wash our hair everyday and on particularly rushed mornings before school I would "wash" with a dry shampoo called Minipoo. I always felt as if I was grooming a mane. I believe their slogan was "when you can¹t shower, Minipoo." Who is the ad person who came up with that name? He or she should have been shot back in the 60¹s.

Ladies, trust me on this one, when it comes to your hair don¹t go to a beauty salon in a doublewide that still uses Dippity Do and Spoolies.

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