I'm Too Hip To Have
Sixties Hair
Author: Susan Shea Held
I wake up, look in the mirror and see Ruth Buzzi as Gladys
with the rolled down stockings in Laugh In or the Church Lady from
SNL and believe me that is not special. Why is it so difficult to
get a decent haircut these days? I'm only eight years past the age
of forty-nine but the hairdressers in the boonies insist on making
me look like their mothers or grandmothers on a bad hair day.
But wait, how do they see me? Do they think Iım a decade or
more older than I really am? Iım an original New Yorker, for
heavenıs sake, I have style, ladies, letıs show it. Oh no, what's
is that in her right hand, Oh My God, a curling iron. Didnıt those
things go out with the Monkees? Step away from the mirror, put
down the curling iron and nobody will get hurt. Next thing I know
I have these little sausage curls-where my wispy bangs used to be.
Iım turning into Eudora Welty or Mamie Eisenhower right before my
eyes.
Why is my hair so flat on top? My theory is that any female
under the age of thirty-five will look good no matter how she
wears her hair. From thirty-six to fifty-five a woman can tie it
up, put it up or cover it up but beyond the age of fifty-five we
are willing to pay top dollar in order to look younger, thinner
and trendy. We need a little extra help.
Former Texas Governor, Ann Richards once said "The bigger
the hair, the closer to heaven". If thatıs true then I must be
headed in a downward spiral to hair hell.
Since I tend toward the pleasingly plump side, my face
looks its best when I have a slimming, slightly bouffant face
framing hairstyle. This latest one with the straight, flat top and
doggy doo-doo bangs makes my face look likeIım next in line to
float over Heralds Square on Thanksgiving. Give me a break!
Do you want to spend the night with me and look at me first
thing in the morning? Hello, I think not. Letıs save that lovely
vision for my husband who is surely in line for canonization as
soon as the new Pope gets his list together. My husband, bless his
heart, will look right at my latest doo and say "It looks fine" or
"It looks nice, dear." fine, nice? Does he realize that I worked
for over an hour this morning to achieve this natural look of
smooth hair and all he can say is it looks nice? It looks fine?
And the shampoo they use, do they buy it in bulk at the
combination feed/grooming store in town? In my younger days,
having grown up with a mother of the Saturday night bath
generation, we didnıt wash our hair everyday and on particularly
rushed mornings before school I would "wash" with a dry shampoo
called Minipoo. I always felt as if I was grooming a
mane. I believe their slogan was "when you canıt shower, Minipoo."
Who is the ad person who came up with that name? He or she should
have been shot back in the 60ıs.
Ladies, trust me on this one, when it comes to your hair
donıt go to a beauty salon in a doublewide that still uses Dippity
Do and Spoolies.
|
