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India in the 1950s
and 60s
Dating and Marriage in the 1950s and 60s
By Sunita
Rajiv Chikhalikar
Prologue
India is a country of many states. Customs and traditions in different
households in each state vary as per the methods adopted by their
respective forefathers.
I come from the state of Maharashtra. Marathi is my mother-tongue. All
the special terms used in this article are in Marathi language.
Dating and Marriage in the 1950s and 60s
Since generations in my household, generally a priest or a mutual
friend would suggest a suitable bride for the groom. If the horoscopes
matched, a small ceremony called ‘Kanda-Pohe’, would be arranged
wherein the boy and his parents would visit the girl’s place. There
would be an exchange of queries to ascertain the boy’s income, his
reputation, the girl’s cooking, her hobbies, etc. The boy’s party
would then depart. In case of approval from the boy’s side, his
parents would inform the mediator who would in turn let it be known to
the other party. The ball would then lie in the court of the girl’s
household. After consultation with all the members, if they all agreed
to the match, the elders would inform about their consent to the
mutual friend. When this was done, a small ceremony called
‘Saksha-Gandh’ would be arranged, which officially confirmed the
match. Nowadays this is called as ‘Sakhar-Puda’ or the Engagement Day.
Dating was not very common. After the ‘Sakhar-Puda’, the boy would pay
routine visits to the girl’s house and at that time all the members in
the girl’s joint family would be present. This was done so that the
boy could get thoroughly acquainted with each member. Later on, an
auspicious date would be set for the wedding in consultation with a
priest or an astrologer.
In certain homes, an exchange of photographs would initially be done
to enable the aspiring bride or groom to have an idea of the person
they would be meeting before fixing a date for the ‘Kanda-Pohe’
ceremony.
A couple of days before the wedding, a ‘Griha Yagnya’ or a traditional
ceremony would be held in the respective houses. The bride’s hands
would be adorned with green colored bangles. After this, she would not
be allowed to venture out of her house and it was considered
inauspicious if the bride even looked at the face of her would-be
husband until the wedding.
On the eve of the wedding, the bride’s hands and feet would be
decorated by beautifully designed ‘mehandi’ or ‘henna’.
In a typical marriage, there would be a ‘muhurt’ or an auspicious time
set for commencing the recitation of the ‘hymns’ or ‘mantras’ by the
priest. An ‘Antarpat’; a decorated silk cloth would be held as a
partition above the eye-levels of the bride and the groom. Both would
wait on either side of the cloth; ready with garlands. They were not
supposed to look at each other during this time. Their respective
relatives; showering sacred rice called ‘Akshata’ on them
periodically, would stand behind them. At the set time, the
‘Antarpath’ would be withdrawn and exchange of garlands would take
place. This was the moment when they officially became husband and
wife. In the ‘Vedic’ method of marriage, shawls draped over the couple
would be tied together. Both would walk around the holy fire for seven
times. This act was called ‘Saptapadi’; ‘Sapta’ meaning seven and
‘padi’ meaning walk. After this, the wife’s neck would be adorned by
her husband with a necklace called the ‘Mangalsutra’; the
identification of a married woman, which constituted basically of a
set of interwoven black and pure gold beads. At the centre, the locket
would essentially contain a gold bead on either side of it. Even
today, the ‘Mangalsutra’ is worn by all married women. The
above-mentioned marriage procedure is also followed today with certain
variations.
Sweet-smelling flowers of Jasmine, Rajnigandha, etc. adorned the hair
of every bride. They were carefully inter-woven to form a traditional
‘Gajra’ or ‘Veni,’ a pattern of flowers. Generally the bride wore a
silk sari with gold-woven embroidered borders.
Marriages were held at the girl’s house with arrangements of
‘shamiana’ or tarpaulins in order to accommodate all the guests. All
immediate relatives would stay for a week until the wedding and then
depart.
After the marriage, lunch would be served in batches depending on the
availability of space and the number of persons (usually the bride’s
relatives) serving food. Each batch used to be called as ‘Pangat’.
Buffet feasts were unheard of in those days.
A typical marriage luncheon would consist of plain rice, dal, ghee,
chutney, papad, spicy rice, fries made of gram flour and onion, a dry
vegetable, a vegetable with gravy generally made of ‘Alu’ leaves and
whole groundnut, a salad mixture, a sweet dish (generally Jilebi-a
fried preparation made up of wheat flour and sugar syrup) chapatti,
pickles, salted butter-milk or sweet lassi, etc.
The batch of persons during a luncheon which include the newly- wed
couple along with the relatives from the groom’s side is even today,
called the ‘Maanachi Pangat’. The groom and his bride feed each other
a ‘ghas’, or a small helping of the food; generally the sweet dish. At
the same time they address the ‘Ukhana’, which is a means by which the
newly-weds individually utter the names of their spouses for the first
time amidst a lot of cheering and prompting by guests and relatives.
In fact, it is used during all the religious ceremonies in the
lifetime of all persons who are not widowers or widows. A typical
‘Ukhana’ consists of a verse of four lines; cleverly rhymed to include
the concerned name in an affectionate or respectful manner. A marriage
is also an occasion when the husband may change the wife’s first name
to his liking and announce it publicly through this method.
After lunch, ‘Paan,’ a mixture of limestone, catechu, betel nut, dry
or wet coconut shreds folded into a couple of betel leaves used to be
chewed.
As a rule, all guests would wait until the bride departed in a
florally-decorated vehicle with her new husband and in-laws. This
emotional ceremony was called ‘Varaat,’ or the ‘Send-off’. In many
families, the bride would be accompanied by a ‘Paathraakhin’ or ‘Karavali’,
a known female companion, who was her sister, friend, relative or
maid. Her main purpose was to help the bride in the household chores
new to her and provide her companionship in her free time; to console
her whenever she missed her parents. Once the newly-wed got
comfortably settled, the ‘Paathraakhin’ would be sent back with due
honors.
In this manner, the new bride would soon adjust herself to the new
surroundings of her husband’s joint family and start a new phase of
her life.
Go
to Rewind the Fifties Home |
This photograph of my mother was
preliminarily sent to my father and after the first round of talks,
both mutually accepted to their marriage. My mother used to carefully
oil her hair. A middle parting with hair combed back into two pleats
completed her hair-style. It was considered taboo to pluck the
eyebrows. She always wore a high-necked V-shaped blouse over which
she draped her six-yard sari.
This is the marriage photograph of my
parents taken in the year 1961. My dad used to oil his hair and
back-comb it with a side parting.
This is a photograph of a
marriage-luncheon function attended by my uncle in 1960. Here you can
see chairs and tables. Many a times, in the olden days, people used
to sit cross-legged on carpets on the floor and food would be served
on banana leaves.
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